It’s an odd day, here on the Island.
I’m writing later in the day than usual, but then everyone seems to be off their schedule. I haven’t written for a couple of days. I’ve been mired in reflection and, quite frankly, self pity. It’s a cumulative effect, one thing piling on top of another until the whole mess falls apart. That hot mess would be me. Mom is in fine fettle now that she can see a little again, although her biological clock has been a bit off with all the daytime sleeping that she does. I think she was up in the wee hours, whilst I wasn’t. The evidence-the light on at her table and an empty cookie jar-suggests that she was up for some time. I’ve seen her go back and forth to the bathroom a couple of times, but she hasn’t come all the way out yet. I will need to get her up and moving soon, we have to go in to town this afternoon. I have an appointment for acupuncture. I will be quite interested in what the doctor may be able to tell me about my latest test results. I have very high levels of C-reactive protein (CRP) in my blood, which is an indicator of disease or inflammation. My belly blows up over the course of the day, becoming distended and as tight as a drum by bedtime. It makes everything more difficult, from breathing to walking. And, of course, it hurts.
Lets just get it all out while we’re at it. I’ve had a sore, swollen ankle that I don’t remember injuring and doesn’t want to heal, worries about further skin cancers, the continuing deterioration of my spine, and a tumor in my head that I don’t think we’ll ever get around to addressing, since I only get to talk to my VA provider once a year-and then only deal with one issue at a time. I’m sure there’s more, but right now I’m probably lucky that they’re finally addressing the anemia in a serious way. So, what could be the cause of my discomfort? According to what I’ve been able to find online, the options are Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, or one of several cancers. My CRP levels would be considered high at five, and mine is twenty-four point nine. If we are dealing with a cancer, my CRP levels drastically reduce my chances of survival. Add it all up, and it makes me weary and more than a little bit frightened. I mean, am I really falling apart, my body systems crashing in cascade fashion? It has to be a bad sign to have so many system failures going on at once. So I’ve been having myself a little personal pity party here at the homestead. It’s a shame, too, with the lovely weather we’ve been having. I haven’t been to the beach with the dogs in a long time, and I haven’t had the stamina to play with them outside very much. Having skin cancer has made it problematic to be outside. If I stay in the shade, as I should, the mosquitos have me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Would you like a little Zika virus with that?
The house is in a state of utter chaos, the laundry is piling up, and the kitchen is hidden behind a mountain of dirty dishes. I have to decide which mountain to climb this morning, because by the time we get back from my appointment, I will undoubtedly be done for the day. I’m leaning towards laundry, I need clothes if I’m to go anywhere today, and the bed is beyond needing to be changed. On thing I will never be is a domestic diva. It interferes with thought and creativity to be faced with mundane household chores. Speaking of chores, Mom has finally risen, so I’m off to make her breakfast. Hopefully I can come up with some answers today, for good or ill.